Lenten Diary – Thursday 12th March 2015

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I found the poem today (“De Magistro” – Malcolm Guite), matching my sinking period of depression. It is not a place where I wanted to be or to revisit. I think it is brought on by being overwhelmed with my final semester’s work load and my dissertation which seems to have stopped. I have come so far these past four years (past three at University) that I fear I am in limbo, of being unable to find the spark to keep me ticking over. I find myself in an invisible wet concrete ground that is setting around me. Tonight is the eve of my son’s birthday and nineteen years ago the hospital we were in almost ended our lives. We were saved by GOD’s grace and so my Christian life began more earnestly. I need to be like a new child, seeing each day as a new opportunity for learning and discovery and to let go of past transgressions but this time to finally put down the load I have been carrying and walk forward in lighter steps. I need a new focus to propel me through these final weeks of university and to use my word hoard to great advantage and to get a good degree = new opportunities and a new life. That is my hope but I fear my flame is barely flickering.

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As always, you can find Malcolm’s remarkable work here,

https://malcolmguite.wordpress.com/

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